Behind the scenes of living in New York City

I spent half of my life fantasizing about living in a big city. My day dreams involved me walking around central park, shopping in 5th avenue, fine dining at Michelin star restaurants, and most importantly, doing something big as New York represented for me the land of opportunities. I always had big dreams that I so strongly believed in, however, little did I know, my life in New York city would be far from that Gossip Girl bullshit. In fact, it has become the complete opposite.

As I used to be really sociable, I was quickly hit by the reality of my loneliness. I had to go out of my comfort zone, I met some people, but I still had a hard time getting along with them. My initial plan was to apply for masters, but only after taking some time off, as I believed it was important for me to discover myself so that I can decide on what I want. I started applying for internships, hating the process and the wait. One day, I wake up to a call by a marketing firm, I went to the interview among a lot of other people, and surprisingly everything goes well. The process of hiring normally is divided into three interviews, but they decide to hire me directly. I asked myself “wow, am I that special? There must be something wrong”, but I was so happy that I so easily found a job that I liked in a city that resembled a jungle, and I was very excited for my first day of work. That day was the beginning of a journey of struggles, I discovered what the job really was about, it was a scam job, making fresh graduates think that they are doing an office job while what you really have to do is door to door stalking. That day, I spent 6 hours of knocking on doors in the hot sun, trying to convince people to switch their wi-fi server while I wasn’t even convinced about what I was selling. I resigned as soon as I went home.

I worked as a part time waitress at my cousin’s bar, while I was still looking for other jobs. I finally found one that looked like my dream job, everything about it was perfect for me and glamourous. I spent two months doing it, while still working at the bar. My life had no meaning anymore, I lost purpose, I spent all my time working, I was so tired that I slept in the train sometimes at 4 in the morning. Everything was so new for me, and I had to learn it all by myself, and pretend I was happy while I was on the phone talking to my mother. I was so lonely and stressed all the time, I was so tired that I cried everyday on my way home, so stressed that I vomited for no reason on a casual day at work. I felt my self confidence slowly diminishing, oh man, what did I get myself into? A world of fake protocol that I did not belong in, I finally decided to do something about it, quit in order to find myself again.

When I reminisce about moving here, I see flashbacks of me having two dollars in my pocket running to eat a hot dog, getting acquainted with the most famous people which opened my eyes about who they really are in person, having my first fight and me throwing a shoe at that girl who poured water on me, screaming in the streets like a crazy woman because I was so tired of the trains and buses that are always late, feeling extremely lonely and crying myself to sleep, deeply learning about every culture, hustling and knowing what it is to be broke without complaining to anybody. Did that stop me from shopping at 5th avenue and buying the most expensive stuff? The answer is no, did it stop me from going to the fanciest places? also no, was I happy again? Still getting there. Do I regret moving here? absolutely not. I could have stayed at my hometown, lived peacefully and never had to feel alone or lonely. But that was never what I wanted. Today, I can finally say that I am independent, that I lived a war in my head and came out winning as I haven’t lost myself, I know the worth of friendship as I know what it feels like to be lonely. I switched from the girl who did not bother to grab a cup of water from the kitchen, to the waitress that works at one of the busiest places, I learned the importance of networking, the influence of marketing in this city, the real meaning of hard work, and "the fake it until you make it" New Yorker attitude. I never wanted a normal life, but I surely wasn’t expecting this level of craziness.

This was a small and brief summary of what it is like to live here, but of course I still keep the craziest to myself.

I am now doing what I enjoy the most which is sharing my love for fashion and beauty through this blog, also preparing to start my masters, and getting myself out of that depressive rollercoaster, while my life still resembles a never-ending party at my cousin's bar.